I’ve been struggling with this a lot today. I slept in this morning, after starting a new video game (ESO) and staying up a bit too late with the excitement. Once I got up, I ate breakfast, picked up around the house, switched the laundry over, that sort of thing. Then, took Shadow for our daily walk. Showered. Made lunch. Played more ESO until it was time to get ready for work. Got ready for work. Went to work.
Once I got to work, I had some scanning I needed to get done, so that was on the list. But its the summer, so we really aren’t that busy. I’m very lucky to have a job that allows me to write or read while I’m working my shift. So, after finishing scanning, I was left with the decision of what to do next. Do I read the book I finally started from the library? Do I write my own? Do I write a blog post? Do I beta read a friend’s new story? Do I waste time on social media, since I only check it now at work (ha, how ironic)? Do I watch the Royals take on the Mets? Do I watch the Men’s National Team try to survive Argentina in the Copa América semi-final?
This cycle of decisions don’t stop once my shift ends. When I get home, do I play more ESO or do I read a book and go to bed early? Tomorrow, do I try to get up early so I don’t waste so much of my day or do I let myself sleep in? If I get up early, there is a better chance I will have more time to write or beta read. If I don’t, that means I get to play more ESO tonight. Then, I have an interview tomorrow afternoon I need to prep for. Plus, dog has to go on a walk. And laundry. And I need to call my bank about a withdraw. And need to go by the DMV at some point to register my license. And I need to call apartments to schedule appointments. And everything that I listed above–the reading, the writing, the editing, the blogging, the gaming–I want to do all of that every day.
But how do you find the time?
It’s one of those days when I’m so overwhelmed by everything I want to do and limited by the time I have to do it in. Plus, having to factor in everything I have to do…Thinking about it all, I’m left in a rut where I contemplate so much about what I want to do and wish-wash back and forth that I end up doing nothing, wasting hours that I could have spent doing something; anything. But not nothing.
The harsh truth is that you can’t do it all. I would love to say that I’m going to get up at 8am every day after going to bed at midnight each evening. I would love to know that I’m going to get chores done before 10, walking and showering done before noon, and then have four glorious hours to do whatever I choose before commuting for an hour before work. Then, at work, I’d love to be know that I’m going to accomplish everything I have to do for my job and everything I want to do, as well, all in one shift. Only to go home and read a few chapters with a glass of milk and cookies, and make my newly-established midnight bedtime.
But I know myself and I know the world. And that simply isn’t how it works.
There are plenty of ways in which I can make more time for myself and that is something I hope to work on. But, at the same time, I have to accept that I won’t be able to do everything that I want to do in a day, every day. There will be days when I don’t read; days when I write nothing; times when I don’t touch the PS4 controller. And that happens because I chose to do something else. Whether that was write for four hours when I only planned for one or apartment hunt when I’d rather be reading…that’s life. And it’s okay to not do everything you need and want to do. Even now, I’m rushing to finish this blog post before I have to clock out in five minutes. Because at the moment, that’s what’s happening. But I’m doing something. And that’s what matters.
Tomorrow, I hope to remember to switch my mindset from stressing about the time I don’t have to fully appreciating the time I do. Because at the end of the day, that’s all you can do.
PS: Sorry for the typos I’m sure are here. Didn’t have time to edit! 😛