Man, if that title doesn’t describe my mindset right now, I dunno what does. I am definitely stuck, caught in the midst of a funk that is fueled through the emotional roller coaster I’ve been riding for the past month (with this past week being a definite, intense down). From missed love and a bruised heart to genuine fear and confusion, my emotions have been everywhere and the moments when they have been positive have been few and greatly missed.
And everything else, it seems, have been put on hold.
All of these elements have taken up a lot of my time recently, as I became more involved in the community and gave myself permission to take myself seriously as a writer. And I have loved every minute of it. Yet I’ve been unable to not only do any of these things, but also even struggled to find enjoyment within them, when I actually do manage to focus. The funny thing is, my haywire emotions aren’t going to stabilize when the aspects of my life that I enjoy most, I am too emotionally drained or upset to be able to enjoy or escape within them.
Ah, the nefarious Catch-22 moment that loves to invade my life. Hello, again. It’s been a while.
Running has definitely been the outlet I’ve turned to. Turn on some jams, crank up the volume to 11 and 30 seconds in, I’m already struggling to breathe. The physical exertion helps distract me from whatever dark corner my mind is trying to slip into. It helps me deal with how frustrated I am that even my life’s bloody calling isn’t enough to help me out of this funk.
Because guess what, funk? That’s right, I’m being rude to my readers and talking directly to you, now. You may have had control over me for a while, but that’s all changing here real soon. I may not be able to determine when. It may be an up-and-down battle. It may take some stubbornness on my part. It’s definitely going to take a lot of self-care and reflection. But you’re a funk and that’s all you are: a phase, temporary; not who I am at my core, at my realest, at my peak.
So tonight, I’m going to watch a little Netflix when I get home for work. I’m going to eat a little ice cream, maybe make some popcorn. I’m going to sleep in. And then I’m going to get to work, searching for whatever I can to help battle the funk I’ve been in and help me return to the happy, positive person I naturally am–even if I get sidetracked every once in a while.