Random Emotional Word Vomit

Hey, friends.

It’s been a hot second since I’ve wrote a post that wasn’t tied into my resolutions on this blog (and I’m sorry about that; hoping to write more soon!). Still recovering from the holiday whirlwind and getting adjusted working evenings again, seems like. Though I know I’ll have a video game review up here in a couple days (because holy shit, Horizon: Zero Dawn, you floored me), I also just wanted to write a post doing a little bit of word vomit, just to get some emotions out of my system (but, let’s be real: most of my blog is like that). I’m not 100% sure where this post is going to go, but…

Image result for here we go gif

You see, I’ve been feeling kinda…blah, lately. Not all the time, but just in little spurts, where my mood will just…plummet. To the point where I’ll actually tear up, if not cry outright. Usually about stupid shit, little things, minor frustrations; things I certainly shouldn’t be crying about or get super upset by. I’m honestly not sure where this is coming from, but obviously, I’d really like to stop feeling this way and enjoy the life I have. Especially because there isn’t really a lot about life right now to complain about.

Job is going well. Getting back into the routine of things, so I’m slowly working on incorporating my goals into my every day life again: writing, reading, working out, blogging, you know, the usual. I still get to see my friends on a regular basis, part of two DnD campaigns, I got to see my family a lot over the holidays (and I plan to make them more of a priority this year) and I have a wonderful boyfriend who makes me feel so, so incredibly lucky. What is there to complain about?

And yet.

I keep getting caught in this funk. With little seeds of unhappiness seeping in and affecting my entire mood, bringing it down. I know it’s something I just need to shake…which is kinda hard to do, when I can’t exactly pinpoint the cause. But it’s something I hope I can shake earlier, rather than later, because I’m really not digging it.

And…yeah. That’s just where I’m at right now. Short and simple, today.

(Okay, maybe not so simple, but you get what I mean.)

Cheers.

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About Nicole Evans

Nicole Evans is a writer of fantasy and science fiction. She is currently unpublished and is working fervently to get the "un" removed from that statement. She's written a trilogy about destined heroes that fail anyway, has started a science fiction trilogy that pits the natural desire to love against the natural instinct to kill during the extinction of the human race and the start of a series with the sole goal of fitting in as many tropes as possible into nine books.  She really can't wait for you to read these stories.  Considering she has run out of space for putting rejections letters up on her wall, Nicole now uses her spare time doing the typical things that nerds do: blogging, dying repeatedly during video games (which she believes is retribution for the characters' she's killed), wishing she was the character she is currently reading about and trying to fight off the real world by living in her own head, with varying degrees of success. Nicole has a degree in Creative Writing and a minor in Film and Media Studies, and works as an evening librarian assistant. View all posts by Nicole Evans

11 responses to “Random Emotional Word Vomit

  • Joyce C

    Babe, I totally understand. I’ve been caught in weird funks like this too. It’s inexplicable, and I always feel guilty for wallowing because I feel like I don’t deserve to feel bad.

    But remember that your emotions are always valid and you need to give them the space they’re demanding. It’s possible that they’re all surfacing now because of the everyday disappointment and frustrations that have accumulated over time. A bad day might not seem like much – a snub here and there, a niggling worry or two – but these things add up, and over time they might bubble over and we feel strangely upset for what we think is no reason.

    I came across this article yesterday about finding happiness before you get there, and it’s so wise I feel like we can all glean some lessons from it: https://styleguide.sg/article/finding-happiness-before-you-get-there

    Also, if the writing is getting you down lately, this might help: https://blog.hubspot.com/marketing/find-writing-inspiration

    If you ever need to talk it out, you know where to find me! ♥♥♥

    • Nicole Evans

      Oh Joyce, you are an absolute gem, have I ever told you that?? I’m definitely going to remember this post and the wonderful wisdom you shared within it, because it was truly awesome to hear. Sometimes, that permission to feel what you feel and allow it to have room means more than people realize.

      Thank you for those links, too. I can’t wait to read them. ❤

  • Sonia G Medeiros

    I feel you.

    I’m so thankful the holidays are over. They were much quieter than the previous year. For that I was very thankful, but still they were exhausting in their own way.

    I’ve been wrestling with similar blahs and emotional upheavals lately. On the one hand, I’m excited and working well on my new project. On the other hand, I keep feeling all over the place. Maybe things will settle down in a bit. I hope so. 😀

    • Nicole Evans

      It’s one of those Catch-22s where it’s refreshing to know that people understand where I’m coming from, yet at the same time, I wish no one had to go through the weird, depressive funks that seem to be going around!

      I’m excited to hear that your new project is going well! I empathize with feeling all over the place, though, absolutely. Maybe we just need a little time to get readjusted and then we’ll get out of these funks, too.

      I’m rooting for you!

  • sorayacorcoran

    Depression sucks, even when it’s just jabbing at you from time to time for seemingly no good reason. It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on! Job, writing, working out, relationships… all that good stuff.

    Could be that you need to be more patient with your goals. I know that fitness, for example, is a tough one. You want results, you want to see change, and you get disheartened when that’s not happening within one week, two, and so on.

    What if it’s the routine? The usual. Same old, same old. Some people thrive on routine, while others start to get stir crazy with the monotony of every day starting to blend into the next until you can’t tell one from the last. Maybe you need to mix things up or try something completely new. I can’t really say because this post is just a tiny peek through the blinds into your life, plus I’ve got NO qualification to be handing out life advice.

    So ignore all that! Just know that you’ve got friends who care about you, and think you’re awesome, and we’re here to talk, or just listen. Whatever you need. ❤

    • Nicole Evans

      Awww, first off, Soraya, this response really made my day (especially that last paragraph, you sweetheart). ❤ Secondly, is anyone really qualified to hand out life advice? We're all just going off of our own experiences and what other information others give us. The fact that you took the time to give such thoughtful and detailed advice means the world. ❤

      I think it could actually be a mixture of the two, potentially…as well as finding balance between focusing on my goals and my relationships. I know I've been anxious about the fitness out, especially, since I'm not working out because of the cold, yet really, I'm doing just fine. I do thrive on routine and I'm just getting it back, so maybe it's just that adjustment period between the holidays and reaccumulating to what life usually is. Doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt to spice things up every once in a while, like you mentioned.

      You gave me a lot to think about and it means a lot! I'm always here for you as well, whenever you need it.

  • Louise@DragonspireUK

    I feel for you. I used to have a lot of ups and downs this time of year. Found out it was the weather! On dull days I’d feel tired, miserable, and randomly upset. On rare sunny days I felt fine. I bought a light box, which helped a lot. Maybe your ups and downs are weather linked too?

    If you want to talk, I’m here. In the meantime, watch favourite movies, do things that really make you feel good, and hang in there until it all blows over 🙂

    • Nicole Evans

      You could totally be right, it definitely could be tied to the weather and perhaps the fact that I haven’t ran in *weeks* because of said weather and running is one of the key ways I get those endorphins out, so perhaps it is the cold that just makes everything else feel kinda…blah. But thanks for being there for me! We got this. 😀

  • justbmoreblog

    You and me and the world makes three zillion people that get the total suck fest it is of having lots going right and yet feeling bad. If I were to go off on all the days and ways I’ve thought the same! We’ll chat it out soon, as I see many people have mentioned any and all things I would. So phone date next Sunday right?

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